Grant's Auto Rants

A Deafening Silence...

By now most people have seen the videos of various electric (or other non-combustion) cars taking to task representative rides from the likes of Ferrari and Porsche around some deserted parking lot or drag strip. Make no mistake about it, the delivery of power via electric motors, especially in the absence of torque-sapping transmissions, comes on much quicker than with a traditionally fired gas engine.

Of course, it isn't just the electrics that are making news, Koenigsegg recently released details on their CCXR, arguably one of the most extreme super cars anywhere which, actually runs on E85...all 1,018 horsepower of it. As a matter of fact, the quest for the fastest today isn’t as much about cars as it is simply an engineering feat that happens to take place on four wheels. What chemical reaction, alternative fuel or outright foreign propulsion you use to get said wheels turning faster than the next guy is really up to.

Look at the vehicles making the rounds at the Top Gear test track, for example, and the resemblance to average road-going cars is absolutely laughable. Why manufacturers (and ultimately consumers) are so obsessed with performance gain is almost beside the point, it has been obvious since the beginning that the light bulbs that turned on in the engineers’ minds weren't always tinted green.

Either way, electric power will be a real game changer that has the ability to eventually cast obsolescence over all combustion technology. Just think of all of the futuristic movies, you don't see those non-descript bubble shapes sporting big blocks do you?

That brings up an interesting point, however. While we may have a consistent shape, it seems that there is some difference of opinion on the physical nature of personal transport in the decades to come. The movies set at some time in the future all seem to employ either floating (flying) cars, a la The Fifth Element, which in my opinion represents the absolute most liberal possible form of transportation, or the “track” vehicles a la The Minority Report that automatically follow a smart road like a cheap amusement park ride, to which I suspect I would not be the only one saying’ thanks, but I would prefer to walk.”

Because it will take several generations to finally give up the soul and personality a healthy V8 provides, the way companies approach new propulsion may make the difference in their success. Even today, appliance vehicles that you can’t even tell when they are running (even though they do like clockwork) are the ones we characterize as “soulless” and devoid of any interesting characteristics.

OEMs should not underestimate how important the aural component of driving today is, which is something our current fleet does very well, but could easily go away with a move to more modern technologies. There just isn’t much to get excited about when driving a car that performs precisely like an overgrown golf cart, I don’t care how many cup holders and acres of leather it has or how quickly it can parallel park itself.

While some say the electric car was deliberately killed in some chain of orchestrated and calculated PR stunts, which at one point it probably was, I say you are going to have an even harder time pulling the masses away from that slight rumble, no matter how puny sometimes (sorry you four cylinder guys) and that slight vibration that comes from a turning engine at idle and ultimately that growl of exhaust highlighted by the mechanical twangs of a (gasp!) manually operated transmission.

Here’s to remaining cars that let you know you’re still alive.

Closed Course, Professional Driver, Do Not Attempt

We all see these notes, well, that is if we look hard enough and didn't Tivo through the commercials in the first place. The legal fine print of the auto industry is attached to every jaunt through the deserted downtown, high-speed drift across the Bonneville salt flats, and ridiculous truck show of strength challenge conducted on the very edge of some steep canyon.

To tell you the truth, I am not sure which is more alarming, the litigous state our society has become or the fact that there is a segment out there that actually needs the reminder that it probably isn't a good idea to race their friends through public parking garages like they were living out the next installment of Fast and the Furious.

While a few companies and their agencies may still try to deliver the message in the context of the much less glamorous "real-world" driving conditions, it seems like the majority would rather stick to the jaunt through the pristine forest, (rugged Hunting/Fishing scenario) or the even more popular race around some racetrack because we need those capabilities so often.

I am sure that any of one of the ad execs in charge of any of these campaigns will tell you that it isn't about selling a car as much as it is about selling a lifestyle. By making it look like you get the best parking lot in front of the restaurant or concert, spend everyday towing the boat to the lake with the family or get all the ladies by driving XYZ, they really appeal to the imagination more than anything else.

But I guess that is marketing 101.

Occasionally you might find a car going over a pothole, driving by a construction site or minivan dumping the entire team off at the field (why do the kids always play soccer?) but those "realistic" scenes are pretty limited. Relevance has never been a very effective seller, being able to pass Europe's fastest on the Nurbuergring in your SUV is.

Is it possible to spin sitting in traffic, gasing up, or getting banged around in the Target parking lot appealing to the masses? Probably not anytime soon, but "reality" has taken over the rest of the tv guide, maybe its only a matter of time before we see it in our commercials. Again, if you even watch them that is.

Who Moved My Crude?

OK, so as a species we are a bit more advanced than mice, well arguably anyway, but when you consider just how dependent we are on petroleum in our everyday lives, to suggest that we simply change direction and find a new propulsion (or heaven forbid a new energy source) makes hunting down a new source of cheese, seem like, well, a piece of cake.

The motivational parable, Who Moved My Cheese? featured, of course, four little critters of varying tolerance for change including Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw. Without getting bogged down in the details, the overall theme is particularly fitting for the current sea change in the automotive industry, to say the least.

You can learn an awful lot about an auto company in these times when not only has their cheese been moved, but they have basically just been diagnosed with the industry equivalent of lactose intolerance.

So who in the industry best characterizes a Sniff? or a Haw for that matter? Well, it actually isn’t as clear as one might think. Clearly a company like Toyota is seen as a “green” leader, but when you strip away all of the PR and the fluff, what is their real motivation?

Toyota has certainly brought Hybrid technology to mainstream America (for whatever that’s worth), but they aren’t afraid to use the technology to improve performance rather than improve mileage. And they seem to be more interested in putting celebrities in a Prius than trying to somehow counter industry reports that illustrate how driving a Hummer actually has less of an environmental impact than owning the celebmobile.

On the other hand, when faced with charges of strong arming the EPA, deliberately building gas-guzzlers and attempted stifling of CAFÉ standards, clearly the domestic brands are to auto-enviro-revolution what harpoons are to saving the whales. Having said that, however, a quick check of the GM balance sheet will likely indicate they have, in fact, spent more on developing hydrogen technologies to date than they have on killing the electric car (thanks in part to current exchange rates).

If ever there was a single brand that gets my vote for not only walking the walk, but also not talking the talk for the simple sake of selling a car to Leonardo di Caprio, is Honda Motor Car Company.

Honda has been at the efficiency game for as long as the domestics have been making trunks that will fit two sets of clubs and two bodies. Of all of the companies out there, I think Honda is the best positioned to roll with the punches of a radically changing environment (automotive and otherwise) and do it for the right reasons. Sure they aren’t shy about selling a lot of cars, but they also have had the most fuel efficient fleet for well, ever.

As a matter of fact, Honda has had a hybrid vehicle for so long that it has already been retired to make room for new generations.

So, hybrids, diesels, high efficiency combustion, hydrogen or pedal-power, not all companies are created equal when their bread & butter starts melting the ice caps and they are faced with checking out Rice w/Soy Sauce.

Do the Japanese even bother with a word for daily?

Keep Your Eye on the Prize

A particularly progressive service manager at a suburban Detroit BMW dealership once told me that it was the job of the sales staff to sell a customer their first BMW, but that it was the job of the service department to sell them their 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th, etc. For someone with such an interest belief in service-related initiatives, it isn’t surprising that this dealer is award winning and enjoys at or above 100% absorption rates through their service lane.

The service issue is an interesting one for the average dealership. Even though it is a huge profit center, it has become almost taboo to discuss it (and heaven forbid strategies for maximizing it). To place some empirical evidence on the subject, the average dealer generates roughly 12% of their overall revenue from fixed operations, but that same number equates to nearly 50% of their profits. On top of that, Google estimates that nearly one-third (some 80 million) of all North American internet users have searched for an automotive part or service within the last year. 

Clearly this is a crucial area, especially when you consider that the overall expected number of new vehicles sold during 2007 will be well under 16 million total.

I had another opportunity to see the service world, less from an industry news standpoint and more from the dealer perspective recently when my wife tried to start our late model sedan to find little more than some faint clicking and dim internal lighting. Usually I look forward to this type of situation to gain some more consumer experience in how people are treated and what you might expect when dealing with a specific brand after the sale. 

I can authoritatively say (as many, many people can) that as different as one dealer is to another, so are the different brand strategies when it comes to fixed operations.

This particular incidence went from replacing a battery with a dead cell (outside of warranty) to the tune of $249 to an oil service (as I had requested, with synthetic oil) to replacing the CV boots (one was torn) and wiper blades (the entire assembly needs to be replaced, not just the rubber insert). Total bill, $975. Only after disclosing my connections to the industry and this companies US headquarters did they decide to apply a $100 service coupon found on their web site (which I happened to be aware of). 

Now, before jumping to conclusions, I would concede that some of this work was justifiable. Maybe not the second CV boot and certainly not the wiper blades, but batteries only last so long (though can be easily replaced outside the dealership) and we were due for an oil service. Did the total bill need to really be a thousand dollars? Not a chance.

I have stopped short of requesting quotes from independent garages (or competing dealers), partly because I really don’t want to know what they would charge. The real question though is at what point does the cost of service not only drive a customer away from a dealership (50% on average after two years of ownership with new car), but away from the brand altogether?

Using those same industry connections mentioned above, we were able to first procure this vehicle at a substantial discount. After what I consider above average frequency and cost of service, repair and maintenance over its life, however, I feel like I have given back several thousand dollars worth of that savings. In terms of what we owe on the vehicle, we are still in the black, at least on paper, but that doesn’t take into account both this past service record as well the upcoming service costs for required maintenance (timing belt and water pump) that I know will eventually show up. 

Now, for those of you saying, that is what you get for going to a dealer, the last little piece to the puzzle is that the vehicle was recently cited with a recall campaign. Of course, it may be possible that I would have gotten the same bill from all other dealers and that they would all agree that this work was required, but this recall was what got me there vs. going to an independent.

The recall turned out to be just a minor brake light fix, and I don’t for a second think that this company is using minor recalls to try to coax consumers to the dealer (vs. and Indy), but that this vehicle required this much work says something more about my choice in vehicles rather than dealers. 

Just think of what it must be like for someone without an industry connection, who may be upside down in their car, who is also faced with some significant out of warranty work. To some degree this is an obvious issue, but OEMs must be very cognizant of the dealer level fixed operations and their respective reputations. A dependable vehicle isn’t so only because it requires little service overall, but also how the service goes down when it is necessary.

Clearly, some brands do this better than others and have convinced the majority of their dealer networks to place customer service over their own profits. It is one thing to try and help your dealers through fixed operations programs (and some companies even go as far as to design their cars. So that they can really only be serviced by their dealers), but there is a flip side to that coin. Your dealers might be doing the best job in the world, but if the car simply requires too much work, you run the risk on not only pushing away the dealer, but your brand in general.

The Collapsing Purchase Funnel

Last week I spent a few days at the 3rd annual Digital Dealer conference in Las Vegas, which is a assembly of a growing group of ISMs (Internet Sales Managers), dealership principles, and sales staff sprinkled by a group of speakers, industry vendors and other visitors. It has been suggested that the growing incidence of typical online activity surrounding the automotive transaction will further erode what was left of the traditional purchasing funnel and essentially redefine the way people handle several steps of the "sale."

There is no question that this particular group is somewhat biased as they are obviously the inidividuals and dealers who have already embraced online media, internet-generated leads, interactive sales strategy, but it is undeniable that 8 out of 10 people use the internet to purchase cars and that there are things every dealer in North America can do to help improve their internet-generated sales. Regardless if there is or isn't a purchase funnel anymore or some type of typical continuum as to how people purchase, at the end of the day, the vehicle is still a big ticket item and the means to conduct the entire purchase process online are limited. This means that there still very well be an opportunity for the automotive dealer to have a face-to-face chance at selling someone a vehicle.

While dealers are generally split on idea as to whether or not to provide quotes or specific pricing information to customers via email (for fear that the information will simply be used to negotiate a deal with a competitor), they do typically agree that the main purpose of their internet-based campaigns and investment is not to complete the transaction, but rather sell the merits of the dealership (experience, service, location, pricing policy, etc) and most importantly, get the appointment. That is when people purchase vehicles.

Because internet investment by dealers in online media and strategy is still in its early stages, it will still be some time (if ever?) before people are truly purchasing online without ever dealing with someone in person other than to pick up a car. If this is the case, however, and the goal of the dealer is to really just get them in the door (and you know that they have every bit as much information and research as your sales staff) then it is a wonder that they don't spend more time selling themselves and less time focusing simply on price. That is, until you consider that price (quick quote) is all the customer ever really wants.

So, if you are a car shopper, it is worthy to remember that you will eventually need service and that location should be factored into the plans on where you buy your next vehicle. The latest estimate suggests that the industry will only sell 15.8 million new cars this year, which is down from well over 16 million, and meaning almost all dealers will be feeling some pinch. Poor credit issues notwithstanding, with all of the available information on pricing and sales tactics, should you get taken to the cleaners (on price), there is a good chance you didn't do enough homework rather than you ran into the most effective salesman.

And if you are a car dealer, it pays to remember that people are not shopping for a vehicle online (they have already done that), they are really shopping for a place to buy one. Many dealership staff suggested that more than 50% of their sales were now internet-based/generated and if you think that number isn't going to continue to go up and/or you don't adjust your strategy accordingly, then you are setting yourself up for a career change.

Revolving doors and lonely beds

Colossol industry changes in the form of globalization, mergers and acquisitions, and management shake-ups over the last 5-6 years have allowed the turnover effect to spread to all corners of the automotive hierarchy, including that office reserved for CEO.

Turnover was once a phenomenon limited to the single most entry-level position within the auto industry, that of the retail salesperson. And to tell you the truth, the most recent industry downshift has actually been better for them. According to the NADA, turnover among sales employees at franchised dealerships actually fell from 2005 to 2006 by a couple of percent. Apparently, when times are a bit slower people tend to shift jobs a bit less frequently.

This is not to say that turnover is low. When they say down a few percent, that means going from around 50% to around 45% or so. This number is found by dividing the total number of salespeople at the dealership by the number of folks who have either quit or been fired. As a benchmark, the US Bureau of Labor pegs turnover among all American workers at about 22%. Yes, salespeople still change jobs more frequently than Lindsay Lohan checks into rehab.

What is surprising, however, is how high the turnover is going. Two of the three domestic OEMs, for example, have CEOs that are not only from other industries but have been on the job for roughly a year (Mullaly - Ford) or less (Nardelli - Chrysler). In the past month alone, some seven top industry execs have left altogether or announced plans to do so. Apparently no one is safe. But if one is clear, if the average guy or gal on the showroom floor can't move the product, eventually it is going to make its way to the top of the latter.

In other manufacturer news, it has been suggested that Daimler may be already floating the idea of finding a new dance partner. Before the ink in the divorce papers is even dry speculators say Daimler may be cozying up to their Bavarian bretheren trying to leverage current projects and synergies into something more than being "just friends." In a move that resembles kissing cousins, Daimler may want to be careful of their image before consumers start thinking that the German exchange student "gets around."

Historically a partnership between these two rivals would be so taboo that is would make a McCoy-Hatfield get together look like a Sunday picnic. It would be about like Pepsi knocking on Coke's door asking if they wanted to go catch a movie. The only difference is that RC Cola hasn't moved in to their territory and eaten their lunch, which is exactly what they Asian brands are threatening. It may actually be a progressive defense mechanism acting on the pricinple that there is strength in numbers. Does this suggest that even the folks a Daimler think that their time holding their own against the non-european competitors may be limited?

If it proves true, it could be a very interesting development indeed. they will have to work on the name though, because Mercedes-BMW just doesn't have a good ring to it. 

Audiomotive Technology

The Wall Street Journal published an article recently about the virtues of the Ford – Microsoft collaboration designed to seamlessly integrate the automotive and electronics worlds.

Dubbed “Sync,” this system basically provides a platform for many Bluetooth and USB-enabled devices to connect (with and without wires) to a vehicle mainframe of sorts where the different data maybe be distributed to the right receptacle within the vehicle’s infotainment system (typically the radio).

The main impetus behind the project is to serve two distinct purposes. The first is to provide a user-friendly system that will allow drivers to access and use a plethora of information from a dizzying number of sources (no small task anywhere at any time, never mind while driving down the NJ Turnpike at 75, yeah right, 85 mph). The other is to at least temporarily merge the information highway and all its related companies and products with the actual highway, which has been a goal for ages, though never seems to last more than the very short lifespan of the current “in” gadgets.

The problem is these are two industries, which are defined by technological advancement, though are two that travel at very different speeds. Rather than let this degrade into a “when was the last time you actually listened to a cd or cassette?”  I would rather talk about whether or not we stand to gain from more electronic capability than we already possess or do the laws of diminishing return kick in quickly.

Maybe we spend so much time wondering whether or not if we could, that we fail to consider whether or not we should.

One thing we have proved is that the automotive companies will never be able to keep up with the general electronics industry even as vehicles become more complicated, nor should they. There is incentive (and profit) however, in their trying, though it can leave consumers with a poor experience and/or outdated equipment, i.e. navigation, OnStar, etc.) The concept behind Sync isn’t new. It is an attempt to offer some hardware that will last just a bit longer in terms of relevancy and packages it with the previously heard concept of voice-activation.

Now, would it be cool to find a foreign radio station via your blackberry and stream it right to your radio while you drive along on a weekend road trip? Sure, it would be cool, probably once. When you consider the distraction question, which voice-activation hopes to address, however, you will quickly find studies that show any conversation (yep even hands-free) seriously impairs one’s ability to drive. Try as they might, people already have a big enough job keeping their eyes on the road.

So, for those of you who enjoy some music or news during the morning commute, do you really need to hear your emails dictated to you? And for those of us on a road trip, is it terribly difficult to let a passenger “drive” the communications. Safely getting over the next hump to a point where we really do drive mobile offices will take revolutionary advances in technology (auto drive highways, for example) and investment that in my opinion far outweigh the overall utility. Wanting to keep the commute to myself however, may just put me in the minority. The fact that the spell-checker didn’t red-flag the word “infotainment” is a pretty good indicator that we may be well on our way to emails and asphalt.    

This week in Auto...(events)

The Automotive News over the past week or so includes some vaguely interesting stories. First there is the rumor that VW will finally leave its headquarters outside Detroit and head to greener pastures in NC or DC. Now, these rumors have been going for nearly two years now, but now with a new CEO (Stefan Jacoby) about to take the reins, it seems like this time it may have a bit more credibility. Apparently the company figures the best way to re-establish itself in the US as a major player while thinning out and rebuilding its own ranks, is it simply cut all ties with MI and see who decides to hang on for the ride.

Also, Ford Motor Company announced again that it would be reducing its sales to rental fleets, which goes very well with a topic I have been kicking around on what I consider the “rental effect.” Sure, fleet sales are a good way to prop up volumes if you are into numbers and they do provide some cash even though they are at very small margins, but at what cost does this short-term revenue come?

The trade-off goes like this. On the one hand, you do get your vehicle out there quite literally in the hands of many drivers who may not otherwise ever consider your brand. That is a good thing. On the other hand, it is no secret what type of a licking rental cars take on a regular basis and do you really want to run the risk of those people first experiencing your cars when they are definitely not at their best. Additionally, with a flood of cars finding their way at least temporarily into rental agencies comes a unique perception among consumers, which may or may not be warranted.

First, one figures, well, only mediocre cars would make into a rental company because who would pay that much extra to nicer fleet cars if there wasn’t any chance of recouping the investment, and they know they are going to get trashed anyway. The other more empirical evidence comes in the form of residual values. When thousands of extra Mustangs begin showing up in post-rental condition on the auction block, you can surely bet that lease of the new Mustangs will certainly suffer.

It is this equation that the OEMs have wrestled with for years and all three have curtailed or at least become more selective in their fleet sales for concern of what it may do to reputations. This last announcement from Ford emphasizes specifically that they will continue to look to government agencies for example, who still purchase a decent volume of cars, but may not have such a direct and immediate impact on public perception. Only time will tell if they can actually have their gravy and eat it too.

So, as far as manufacturer news there really wasn’t much on the radar. Sure, Steve McQueen’s Ferrari sold, and Ralph Nadar is looking at GM some more, but until Bob Nardelli settles in and starts making some real waves, nothing terribly groundbreaking.

This past week in Auto was really about two events, the Woodward Dream Cruise and the number of individual shows, and auctions that lead up to the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance. Now, here are two unique perennial automotive gatherings that could not be more different if they tried. Really, that they both focus around the automobile and take place at roughly the same time is about all they have in common. Think less peanut butter and jelly and more Caviar and Krispy Kreme.
One event is invite only, and takes place on one of the most prestigious and isolated swaths of real estate in the country, while the other personifies the more the merrier attitude and uses one of the most public and accessible stretches of road anywhere in the world. Also, one event focuses around the “drive” whereas the others’ vehicles arrive via trailer where they sit idle and are occasionally wiped down with a diaper.

Like economy versus first-class these two take opposite ways to arrive at similar destinations. Where one rewards owners for being the same, the other applauds being different. One is for a few, the other is for many. It is actually quite an interesting study of how the automobile is engrained in all parts of our society.

So whether you eat Guilden’s or Grey Poupon, frequent the Opera or Grand Ole Opry, or drive a Chevy or a Cadillac, you can bet that these people get a charge out of all things cars and probably have more in common than we think.

Chelsea tractors, MA tailpipes and an illegally parked weiner.

OK, not terribly surprisingly the past week wasn't able to hold a candle to the previous week or so in terms of shear significant automotive news, however, it did include a couple of nice little tidbits that certainly merit mention.

A couple of the stories were born (in some shape or form) right here in Chicago, while another one is delivered to us from across the pond. And whether or not you feel that automotive product placement is blatantly intrusive (seems like whenever we see a vehicle on screen these days a red light goes on) or is acceptable when properly executed, there is simply no harm done in going to see the last of the Bourne Trilogy as it a terrific and incidentally uses a neat trick in using last generation vehicles in the film so as to not alert viewers so quickly. That you can do right in your home town wherever that may be.

So, to get to it, the first bit of news includes the famed Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, which apparently couldn't find an appropriate place to park on Chicago's magnificent mile so the driver decided to leave right there anyway hoping the size and vehicle's unique nature would be enough to provide it with so free doggie downtime. Unfortunately, an overzealous traffic cop saw through the Weiner's obvious ploy to receive as much public exposure as possible and went ahead and ticketed them for illegal parking. Not to Oscar, Vienna Beef has a pretty solid lock on the Chicago hot dog market, so don't be surprised to find similar sentiments at other area locales.

That being said, rumor has it that driving the Weinermobile is a junior staffer first year job at the company. Now tripping around to show off the dog at cool places does not sound like a terrible way to spend some time, provided you are aren't a vegitarian or something.

The next story is from Massachusetts where is sounds (or not sound) like state regulators are about to put the out-right kabash on all modified exhaust systems. Now, Massachusetts is a bit of a difficult state to begin with. Just ask anyone who lives there who would like to drive a diesel, for example. But going after the single most popular component in the entire aftermarket industry seems a bit harsh. Lets not skip the intermediate steps of harsher fines and stringent testing. Everybody knows that is annual ritual in the Bay state anyway.

Along a similar avenue, a report out of London helps illustrate how Mass. is one of the closest states to the UK both figuratively and literally. On top of the daily charge for entering the city limits, at least one district is going to aim an additional tax directly at what they call the "Chelsea tractors." (SUV when translated into North American) Mind you, these are the same people who give us the darn Range Rovers in the first place, but at least around Chelsea, all the rich Mums driving around in gas-guzzling rigs hasn't fared much better than it has stateside. Owners in this class will have to pony up an additional $50 per day in the congestion zone to drive their SUVs per the Mayor of London's latest mandate. Cheeri Ouch.

Finally, a more interesting story no doubt from an enthusiasts' perspective is Automobile Magazine's list of the top 25 greatest cars of all time. Nevermind your best of the year, these are cream of the crop, non-legendary status need not apply. These lists have crept up before, but this one delivers an interesting explanation to justify each individual pick of the litter.

So if you had to limit it to just one (and hopefully, walk, bike or ride mass transit the rest of the time) which single automobile would you choose. Not as easy as it looks.

This week in auto news...08.05.07

I generally try to stay away from the everyday automotive news and reviews, which are regularly covered by the many mainstream auto blogs out there while preferring to focus on more colorful topics such as the role of modern oxygen sensor or how many models still come equipped with a cassette deck. (Click here if you don't know what a cassette or tape deck is) Some changes to my daily responsibilities combined with an absolutely crazy last 10 or so automotive-minded days, however, have changed my position somewhat as I am left with few alternatives other than to provide weekly recaps of all things interesting on one or more wheels.

To offer just a sample from this week in particular, consider the television news piece highlighting the crash (if you can call a 6 mph bumper "collision" a crash) results of eleven (11) luxury models to see how much damage they would endure. The results were disappointing to say the least and have no doubt sent a shiver through the collective spine insurance industry.

Of the eleven vehicles tested, the one sustaining the least amount (and that merits repeating, the least amount) of damage was the SAAB 9-3 will just over $5,000 in required repairs. At the other end of the spectrum (and in what in this case must be considered the "business" end) is the Infiniti G35, which suffered an unbelievable $14,000 in damage. To provide a framework for the test, which I am almost embarrassed to say wasn't unfairly aimed at somehow flipping the G35 over a few times, the speed was a brisk 6 mph, which is a whole 1 mph (or a speedy 18 inches per second) above the federally mandated 5 mph bumpers that have been around for decades. And yes, the object the cars ran into was immobile and generally bore the resemblance of another bumper.

So, let's get this straight, here are vehicles that would be perfectly comfortable (and safe?) driving down the Autobahn by a qualified/experienced driver at well over 100 mph all day long, yet when subjected to a tap at a speed that Joe Namath could still achieve walking backwards and they completely self-destruct faster than an Origami napkin at an all-you-can-eat BBQ rib-fest. Or, seen another way, drive your new G35 for two years or so and back into another car or light pole at the local supermarket and it is, um, totaled. Not terribly impressive. Apparently triumphs in drag co-efficiencies and aesthetic design come at a very high price indeed.

In another topic, the domestic automakers finally succumbed to foreign competitors in total deliveries at home, since, well ever. And while the writing has been on the wall for some time with all but the most inept PR agencies fully prepared, the actual tipping of the scales had an emotionally symbolic effect to all parties who now spend as much or more time protecting their pensions as they do assembling drive trains.

In what can only be an attempt to deflect attention away from the psychological loss of our home market to foreign-born competitors, Cerberus announced their new CEO as none other than controversial ex-Home Depot head, Bob Nardelli, in this week's about-(slap-in-your)-face to Tom LaSorda and Wolfgang Bernhard. Thanks Cerberus, we almost don't remember that other stuff.

So, as you can see, it has been a fun-filled week or so to say the least. At this rate, it would take something simply off the charts like the announcement of a Porsche Hybrid to top it.

Oh, wait.