It's quite easy to sit back and badmouth all those gas-guzzling sports utility vehicles and other energy-abusing cars, especially when your ride of choice has 'diesel' or 'Prius'…or 'Cannondale' somewhere in its name. And while I can't condone the manufacturers' blatant disregard for the environment, general resources, and compromises in safety all in the name of profits, a recent experience provided me with a previously unrecorded clue as to potential appeal of all things SUV.
With the exception of a few what the French might call 'coups de la physique' (Porsche Cayenne Turbo S is a prime example), there is really nothing sporty about this class of vehicle to begin with. The 'utility' is generally clear, but the 'sports' misnomer is a stretch for even the one or two percent of owners who have actually taken their cars off the beaten path. Even with the Porsche or Range Rover Sport, where is the satisfaction of tuning a monster V8 to make three, four or five hundred horsepower simply to drag around a heavier, hulking chassis to the tune of 12 or 15 mpg?
It's as if people need to display a sort of Herculean control of basic physics, which I guess is appealing to some. Regardless, performance SUVs are the minority, it is really the question as to why people wanted all those Explorers, Tahoes, and Cherokees that is interesting. Was it the extra space to lug around your discount store bounty? Or maybe the promise of an adventure-filled Indiana Jones lifestyle? (I must admit, I too get that quick rush from driving over any surface other than pavement, even if it is just the neighbor's lawn) Or maybe its the commanding presence and driving position, all while looking so much cooler than while driving a station wagon or worse still, a minivan.
Whatever it was, it certainly worked with form absolutely beating the %$&^ out of function over the last 10 years or so. Seeing the invention of this segment, observing it be exploited and now watching it kick and scream back into the smaller niche it deserves may not be like watching a supernova form, but it will go down as a significant part of automotive history.
Sure, with the exception of maybe the AMC Pacer, there seems to be a time and place for most vehicles. Where the sport utility vehicle is concerned, skiing comes to mind and they typically make a good rental. From an ownership perspective however, the reduced safety factor (more frequent incidents of the thing ending up in the bushes, upside down and on fire), increased injury to other drivers/passengers, combined with a decrease in ride comfort, increased fuel inefficiency, etc…it really wasn't such a good deal for most people.
However.
This past weekend, my wife and I were given possibly the greatest gift of all in the form of a healthy baby girl. Now, we have gone to great lengths during the pregnancy to avoid alcohol, eat a proper diet, take the recommended vitamins and all around lead a safe and healthy lifestyle, but of course, these efforts pale in comparison to what happens when the baby decides it wants to check out things this side of the uterus.
As a matter of fact, a funny thing happens the very moment you enter parenthood for the first time. The first sight of the little newborn body and shriek of the first breaths act like a one-two punch to your pathetically misaligned priorities. As if a chemical reaction were actually occurring, you physically and emotionally are changed forever. With that change comes a permanent adjustment to your regard for anything anti-SUV. The next thing to typically happen is that the hospital staff eventually discharges you, allowing you (or eventually forcing you, in our case) to take that precious bundle of joy home.
We had driven around with the baby seat in the car for a couple of weeks pre-baby, but all the dry-runs in the world won't prepare you for the real thing. Walking out to the hospital garage, somehow our German sedan just didn't seem adequate even with its mid-size stature and high safety ratings. In actuality, anything shy of a M4 'Super' Sherman (tank) wouldn't have provided the level of protection I was hoping for.
Only after six seat belts checks, two Hail Mary's, and one Lord's Prayer did we actually reach highway speed, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t reach for the hazard lamps every time a car changed lanes improperly. Up to this point all talk of the Latch system, crash test data, airbags, ABS, etc. went in one sliding minivan door and out the other, but now their presence seemed on par with wheels and pistons.
No, I did not drop wife and child off at home only to proceed on to the next Ford dealership, nor would baby be necessarily safer in something twice as long and double the weight. Would it feel safer, though? You betcha.
In keeping with the mating theme, I eagerly await the continued development of the 'Crossover' segment, which appears to be the product of SUV – station wagon copulation. Let's just hope the good genes are the ones making the grade, i.e. car-like driving dynamics, increased fuel efficiency and safety, etc.
This whole process has taught me several lessons. The first is that the term 'there's no replacement for displacement' refers not just to engine size, but also to vehicle safety. Second, it never occurred to me that our newest addition would be the one making all subsequent car-purchasing decisions.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised, though. Those little yellow suction cup signs in the back window are looking better and better.
Brought my first one home in the back seat of an ancient corvair. It's the driver wot makes it safe, not the car. SUVs are still stupid.
Posted by: Brian | September 14, 2006 at 09:50 PM