Grant's Auto Rants

A "Tail" of Tubi

Auspuff, échappement, scarico. No matter how you say it, the exhaust system on the modern vehicle has come a long way from a time of plumes of black smoke and choking drivers. Today, it represents a very advanced and complex automotive component affecting both performance and environmental protection. When you consider new car sales, repair and maintenance, performance aftermarket and emission control, this "car part" alone constitutes hundreds of millions of dollars in annual commerce worldwide.

It comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and even materials, but it essentially serves two distinct purposes. The first is to satisfy a host of different state and national laws governing noise ordinances, environmental, and other rules and regulations associated with airborne pollution. The other -- and far more interesting, I might add -- is the use of modified and specialty exhausts and parts to dress, or otherwise customize, your automobile, boat, motorcycle, jet ski, or whatever other internally-combusting thing you are into…

Even the chainsaw. Ever see the "modified" class on one of those lumberjack contests on ESPN at three in the morning? People actually took the time to build those things.

Most of these people come from the, "well, if I have to have one anyway, it might as well look and sound cool" school of thought. To be fair however, the exhaust, as it were, is much more than just the muffler, as many might believe.

The entire system is comprised of: the actual engine manifold, many connecting pipes, and often several mufflers, not to mention catalytic converters, oxygen sensors, particulate filters, and various hanging paraphernalia. With such a complex piece of equipment mounted directly at the motor, there is considerable opportunity for performance-minded tuning, which is precisely what has made this part so attractive to the average automotive enthusiast.

Personally, I believe that you can learn an awful lot about a car (and subsequently the driver) simply by observing its exhaust, or more specifically, its tailpipe. Often ignored and underappreciated, the tailpipe generally only receives attention once a year, and that’s if your state happens to require annual automotive inspections. Otherwise, these forgotten heroes simply hang out at the back of the car doing their duty and hoping to inspire another household expression, like "eat my fumes!" or "go suck on a tailpipe."

I tend to notice these things, however. Like so many others I spend far too much of my time stuck in traffic, where the backside of the car in front of me serves as my last recreation. What I've picked up over the years can basically be summarized by the following.

Number: First off, how many tailpipes are there? This question may seem silly, but it can actually be deceiving. The most common numbers, of course, are four, two, and the one lonely soldier. Any other number, and all bets are off. This alone should tell you quite quickly what you might be dealing with up ahead. (Note: Beware of the pseudo-tip, which is simply an exhaust tip meant to look like dual exhaust, when in fact it is only one.)

Size: Here is another case in which size definitely matters. For example, you know if you see that single, tiny tube hardly larger in diameter than the straw you use to stir your morning coffee that you aren't dealing with more than four cylinders, and probably not more than a liter or so of displacement. On the other hand, should you come across a pipe (or pipes) that would easily swallow a grapefruit, you may want to give the driver a wider berth.

Style: This one is a bit vague, but important nonetheless. Are the tailpipes standard aluminum with an angled cut, or are they polished stainless steel? Are they some other color or finish altogether, with a rolled edge? Do they sound like an electric beard trimmer, or something from the paddock at Le Mans? These are also very important factors when analyzing the car ahead.

Condition: Aside from number, this one should tell you the most. If the tailpipe is spotless and polished, you can bet that the vehicle (and driver that owns it) is considerably different from the car with the beat up, dirty offset pair (one of which points unnaturally downward, sending sparks flying at every bump).

Finally, placement: Now, there will always be some wild card exception out there, which can go either way. My car for one hides the twin (I think…) tailpipes, which are angled downward, directly behind the rear bumper cover so they aren't visible to anyone who doesn't have the car on a lift or hasn't been run over. The other possibilities in this group are the "snorkel" coming straight out the hood up front (generally reserved for the off-roaders and dragsters), and the scarce but interesting central rear placement (not off to either side or only slightly).

The last one you really want to watch out for is the side placement just ahead of the rear wheels. Anytime you see this, you can rest assured that you are dealing with not only high horsepower, but also a very distinct personality. Approach with caution…and a set of earplugs.

Incidentally, the man credited with inventing the catalytic converter (muffler) is frenchman Eugene Houdry. He patented his exhaust in 1962 and is also credited as the mastermind behind a synthetic rubber production process and revolutionary gasoline refining process.

As long as we burn fuel, we are going to have exhaust systems. As a matter of fact, the only danger to losing our beloved tubes is the advent of alternate fuel technologies. Even with hydrogen fuel cells, however, we will need a place for the water to come out. That, my friends, leads to a whole new level of customization.

Fuel For Thought

A recent New York Times article alleging that automakers may have an ulterior agenda regarding the use of hybrid technologies might just be considered a case of letting the cat out of the bag. To call the recent flurry of hybrid technology controversial is probably overdoing it, but many industry experts have done a good job debunking the myth that this is the one thing that will absolutely change the world as we know it, as a few manufacturers would like us to believe.

As optimistic as I would like to remain, hybrid cars are simply not going to completely curb US dependence on foreign oil and in turn remove us from all future international conflicts, reverse the output of noxious gas and carbon dioxide stemming both ozone depletion and global warming, or provide additional jobs and tax breaks to North Americans and create a happy-go-lucky partnership with foreign and domestic automakers alike.

We have clearly seen that, yes, hybrids do offer better fuel efficiency than their non-electric counterparts (in varying degrees from just barley to significantly), and no, they don't get the stratospheric mileages the EPA suggests. They definitely do cost more, and whether or not savings in fuel justifies the additional cost is still debatable.

Now, however, there's a new wrinkle in the situation. It has been suggested that manufacturers may be even more interested in the technology to feed the continual horsepower wars by squeaking a few more out of the supplemental electric motors. Several new hybrids, including the Lexus RX400h and Honda Accord, seem to like to tout the "increased low end torque" or quicker 0-60 sprint times in their advertising, even before listing the fuel economy. To be able to do it all under an environmentally friendly, politically correct, trendy guise is really icing on the cake.

Where hybrids were originally thought of as both impractically small and anemic in performance (sacrifice was the name of the game), technology has turned that model on its head by actually offering more horsepower and at least the potential for additional fuel efficiency. If asked, the people at Honda will flatly tell you that the selling point of their new Accord Hybrid isn't so much the actual gains at the pump as it is "the appeal of a hybrid."

So curiously, as was the case with electronic fuel injection, multiple valves per cylinder, and variable valve timing, the market still dictates the ultimate use of automotive technology. Wherever there is potential for efficiency gains, there must be potential for performance, and as long as our society demands more power our overall fuel efficiency will likely stay about the same.

Fuel for thought. Just don' throw out those plans for fuel cell technology just yet.

Employee Discount Program…Rebates for Everyone

Our domestic auto manufacturers have long been criticized for their seemingly indiscriminate use of rebate programs to entice sales. Originally a tool reluctantly used to generate some buzz through slow sales periods, these programs have become as commonplace as Tom Cruise's controversial antics and show no signs of slowing. Many industry analysts have continually warned that such programs not only erode residual values and consumer confidence, but also tend to be "one way" campaigns -- meaning once you start, you can't stop.

The Mac Daddy of all programs was launched by GM under the guise of the Employee Discount Program and was originally just that -- a regional (Detroit) program intended for the hordes of actual GM employees as a small-scale sales tool. The success of the program at that level led to someone saying, "Why not extend this program to everyone?" Next thing you know, we have an all-out domestic price war, with both DaimlerChrysler and Ford also giving up what was left of their puny margins in the interest of moving some cars.

There is certainly no question that this has to be one of, if not the most, effective of such discount programs in history. In the month of June GM sales surged by 41%, taking their monthly North American market share from slightly over 25% to just over 30% (their best month in 19 years). I personally spoke with several dealership owners who confirmed that they were experiencing sales increases of 80 to 100%. It is really no wonder that GM quickly decided to extend the program for at least another month.

Rebates: The nature of the beast

 To a customer, a rebate looks simply like a slice right of the top of their final bill (before tax, title, and fees, of course). Upon further inspection, however, the "cash back" game can as complicated as a tax code. Earlier this year GM instituted a price reduction to make its products more competitive before any specific discount programs were implemented. To do this the company doesn't simply take a chunk off the top and hope that increased sales make up for the lost profit. The proverbial "chunk off the top" is partially offset by other internal changes; for example, the company changes the standard vs. optional equipment on certain models, allowing it to lower the overall price. Optional equipment and features generally have higher margins than the standard stuff, meaning that in the long run a company could theoretically end up breaking even.

This is nothing new, and certainly not unique to GM. For that matter, this is certainly not meant to be some type of exposé. For the majority of people, the bottom line is that buying from one of the big three is less expensive (by up to $5,000 or more on some models) today that it was in May, which is a good thing. What happens to the guy who comes in to buy his new Malibu the day after the program officially ends is what worries me.

Even if the Europeans and some of the Asian automakers tend to shy away from the rebate game, almost all manufacturers must deal to some degree with the concept of "incentive pricing" -- or the margin a manufacturer allows a product's price to move as part of its current promotion -- whether it is in the form of a rebate, cash back, or even reduced financing rates. Generally this amount can range anywhere from a couple of hundred dollars to several thousand for some slow-moving models, but it should not be confused with a company's "holdback" -- the minimum allowance between the manufacturer and the dealership that sells the car.

The flexibility in pricing, rebate allowance, options and financing allow manufacturers to tailor their pricing and margins at the regional level to move certain models, which may be selling slowly in certain areas. This all-out "pay what the employees pay" program is really taking it to a whole new level. Side effects of this short term sell-off come in a variety of forms and can come back to haunt automakers down the road.

For example, the more a price is reduced through any type of discount, the more downward pressure there is on a car's residual value, or the amount a vehicle is worth at the end of its lease/financing. Such pressure can wreak havoc on consumer confidence in an entire brand, and has implications when the customer comes back to trade in for something new. With lower residual values, the value of the car drops quicker, meaning that a customer will be "upside down" (the market value of the car is less than what he or she owes on the loan) quicker than normal. When a customer goes to trade in the car, it will be that much more expensive.

Additionally, other manufacturers can't afford to sit idly by while the Domestics bump their summer sales and must also look for ways to remain competitive. Currently it seems that several of them are choosing a cost-cutting strategy tied to "free scheduled maintenance" programs. By taking free maintenance away, the companies are able to keep their prices competitive. But the consumer ultimately loses out by having to pay more for extended service contracts, or simply going without.

The problems don't end with the customers, however. While few people actually care about the well being of salespeople, such a program has an effect on them as well. The lower margins offered by manufacturers take away the negotiating cushion a dealership (or salesman) has to work with. Instead of making a percentage of the profit, every deal by default becomes a "mini," meaning the salesperson gets a preset minimum payment for each vehicle sold. Certainly this makes things harder for them, and at the end of the day you still need to have a happy and effective sales team to sell cars. Many such salespeople may be inclined to find more lucrative work, adding to the already high turnover rate.

Customers and salespeople aside, these companies may be simply delaying the inevitable slowdown that must follow a frenzy of activity. What can you possibly offer next? Who in their right mind will buy a car this fall at the higher prices once the program is over? What do you do until the next "big sales event?" And so commences the rebate cycle of death.

To put this situation into a context that is easy to understand, extending this summer's discount program, and Ford and DaimlerChrysler's decision to jump on the bandwagon, is the equivalent of those last few beers you may have had after a full day of drinking on the Fourth of July. Sure they seemed to make sense at the time, but it's after that one-too-many that most people make an ass of themselves, ensuring not only a hangover but likely some embarrassment to boot. What is the aspirin going to look like this time? Who knows, maybe in the fall the companies will invite us in to build the cars ourselves and just pay for the parts.