As if the residents of Florida haven’t dealt with enough in recent years, what with an increase in fatal Alligator attacks (no kidding), the never-ending influx of retirees (nearly 3,000 per week), and the national scrutiny over the 2000 presidential election, it’s now faced with an over-active hurricane season – the last thing it needs. Ideological, political, and social theories aside for the moment, Florida (and its inhabitants) does seem to be attracting the wrath of whatever Greek Deus handles inclement weather.
Now, while the thought of a Web blog devoted to the inherent relationship between natural disasters and the US political landscape during an election year does sound interesting, I would prefer to offer a nominee or two for the best all-around "Hurricane Vehicle." Whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, or you drive one of Ralph Nader’s Corvairs, the mantra "semper paratus" is the rule (which the smart manufacturer will address in upcoming new products).
Mind you, Floridians are not the only ones who require "urban assault vehicles." With road rage, road construction, flooding, tornados, earthquakes and the occasional Cicada swarm, the climate isn’t getting any better.
For the sake of comparison, I would like to limit the recommendations to vehicles that are currently available, in production, and in stock form. In writing this post I came across a highly modified 2003 Ford F350 appropriately dubbed the “Hurricane Hunter” by its owner and driver, professional surfer Brian Conley. This ominous beast features, among other things, a 6.0-liter power stroke diesel, more off-road hardware than an Expedition series Land Rover, and extra goodies like 60 qt. ARB freezer/fridge combination, 53 gallon freshwater tank shower, and a 1000 watt inverter linked to four in-line, deep cycle batteries.
If you're more interested in escaping or avoiding the storm than hunting it, here are some of the things you might want to consider in your coach.
Speed and Shape: Now, this may seem either like a very obvious or a totally ridiculous factor. For one thing, when under general evacuation, the chances of finding a wide-open, traffic-free highway where you can quickly put miles between yourself and impending doom are slim to none. When the road does open up, however (or you are racing your friends to be the first back after the storm), it's nice to know you have something that will comfortably consume long highway stretches without complaint.
In other words, scrap anything with "spec" or "econo" in its description.
As a sub-factor to speed, you may want to consider the overall shape of the car. While the SUV and minivan may offer considerable comfort and gadgetry for prolonged interludes, their high profile and mass may make them susceptible to tropical force cross winds. So unless you are stuck with the neighbor’s kids, scrap anything will third row seating.
Reliability and Fuel Efficiency: While turning onto the on-ramp for I-95 North with the full brunt of nature’s fury hot on your heels is not the time or place to discover just why you received that letter from your car manufacturer last week discreetly labeled "Recall." This is about more than just having a car you trust, however. Under such circumstances as a Category 5, you want something that can "take a lickin' and keep on tickin," like early Jeeps or a New York cab. You never know when you might have to smash through a downed tree or endure a hit from a flying mobile home or errant boat.
As a side note to this precaution, the overall fuel efficiency, or better still, the total range of your car quickly becomes a factor when you're driving for your life. Remember, there may be thousands of other residents doing the same darn thing, so a gas shortage is always a reality. All the hotel reservations (if you can get one) in the world aren’t going to be worth a thing if you can’t get there because you ran out of quarters. So in summary, look for high EPA fuel estimates and/or abnormally large gas tanks. Both would be best.
General comfort and Electronic Aids: If the thought of a traffic jam under ideal atmospheric conditions is enough to anger most commuters, you can imagine how tempers flare when you cattle thousands of people into a parking lot for eight hours and let them ponder what their possessions might look like after a trip through nature's Cuisinart.
Seats comfy enough to sleep on (you just might have to if you don't happen on to the last vacant room), navigation systems for trip re-routing, and satellite (weather band) radio all provide obvious benefits as well. TVs, DVD players, and other completely recreational features are simply a bonus and not a necessity (though having said that, I don't actually have kids yet. Someone who does might argue that the VCR and headphones are as essential as a steering wheel).
In any case, when I consider all the above factors, two cars quickly come to mind. I could likely make an argument for any of a dozen cars out there, but were I looking to get out of Dodge under hostile situations, I would look for the keys to an Audi Allroad with its sheer comfort, speed capability, and adaptive air suspension, which is particularly useful for traversing a storm surge.
A very close second place goes to the Subaru Outback, which incidentally offers an accessory called the "Severe Weather Companion" and goes beyond the basic first aid kit to provide a shovel, matches, flashlight, and so on.
Now that I think about it though, when was the last time the Germans had a Hurricane? And what would they call it if they did – a Schnitzeltwister? The Japanese get Typhoons, and experience goes a long way. So what if their car doesn't have navigation? You'll probably just follow everyone else anyway.
What's your nominee for IHV and why? Don't forget to post your comments.
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